A Knife in the heart
(our happy place..Hanalei)
A few days before Dallin was born I had a very,very vivid dream. It was so clear that I had to wonder if it wasn't real. It had a long,hard pregnancy with an exhausting move at the end. I dreamed kevin and I were in a hospital room with our brand new baby in our arms. Suddenly my grandmother ( Minnie Dahl ) and her husband Hugh were in the room with us. I had never met my grandfather as he had died back when my own mother was a child. But I knew it was him. We had planned on giving the name Hugh to Dallin as a middle name. They were now holding Dallin and making over him. I looked at kevin as if to say, isn't this great....but Kevin was white as a sheet and very scared. He couldn't see them and he realized that I was dying and slipping across the veil. He was shaking me and screaming to have me come back now. It was if I was going in and out of consciousness. It wasn't the best delivery but I didn't die. The feeling of that dream comes back now. Although Kevin isn't reaching out to me this time... this time he is crumpled on the floor crying himself and he doesn't hear me. This time I am going in and out of consciousness again, but I really am awake..and I really am feeling the pain. Too melodramatic?!! I think not...have you ever sent a son away on a mission?! Last night we had the extended Ordo clan over for dinner and to say good-bye to Dal. Koki was sitting next to us. Sean was coming home from serving two years in Washington within the next 12 hours, and we are sending Dallin out in practically the same time frame. Oue emotions were polar..kevin said this morning ,I wish I was Koki right now. There is always a coming and going in sacrifice. This one is a whopper. It is so overwhelmingly selfish of me..but I can't stop it.
